One of the weaknesses in my writing that has been brought to my attention recently has been a tendency to blow the hook.
The hook is the opening of the script that aims to capture and keep the attention of the audience.
Attention spans are getting shorter. Whatever the reason (and everything from television to social media has been suggested as the culprit), the challenge for a writer in gaining and keeping attention is getting bigger.
Today we must gain the attention of listeners within the first 30 seconds of our opening… and then we have to keep it. There are just too many options available to media consumers today for us to indulge in a belief that people will stick around during a slow opening to get to “the good stuff”. “The good stuff” must be presented from the very first line. And I have been wasting those precious seconds at the beginning of my plays in the, false, expectation that my audience would indulge me in this.
The primary criterion for the successful opening of an audio drama is that it makes the listener want to hear the next line… and the line after that… and so on. To ignore this is to court failure from the outset.
Pacing
The opening can be fast or slow, containing quick punchy lines (“Damn it, Bill, duck!”) that get the action happening quickly, or long lines that create a slow build of mood (“And all I am saying, Lillian, is that these overgrown hedgerows, the full-moon, the shadows cast by the mansion on the hill, and our proximity to the local cemetery, weren’t bothering me until we came across this corpse.”).
The opening of every story has an important task it needs to accomplish; it must introduce the protagonist and the protagonist’s problem as quickly as possible – but, even if it involves longer, mood-building sentences, there must be no wasted words. And it must raise questions and inspire curiosity to listen further.
Contrast
Contrasts and unexpected juxtapositions can help us design a good hook (“Who’d have thought such an expensive dress would be found in such a filthy alley?” or “George, why is there a dead body in your freezer?”)
Tone
Tone is significant too. It helps the listener decide whether the play is for them.
Compare…
TOM: What’s the matter Margie? That was a great dive.
MARGIE: Stop it, Tom, and pay attention. I can’t see the boat!
With…
TOM: Didn’t they pronounce you dead yesterday, Norm?
The first conveys panic. The second is humorous. Both of them deal with serious subjects but each with a different tone.
Provoking Curiosity
Good hooks raise questions that draw listeners forward, delaying their instinct to switch their attention to something else. But it isn’t enough for the hook to be attention-grabbing. It must raise curiosity for the next line, and that in turn must raise curiosity for the next, and so on (hopefully all the way through).
MARGIE: Let’s see if we can shift this body, shall we?
TOM: Are you sure? That’s an awful expensive dress you’re wearing. I’d hate you to get blood on it.
MARGIE: I don’t have time to argue. I’m already late as it is.
Hopefully, this will have raised a bunch of questions that will keep the listener tuning in to find out what is happening.
The aim is to sustain the interest of the listener from one line to the next so that we can establish the story and the listener forgets about the pile of dirty dishes that were waiting for them in the next room, or the latest meme sent by their friends that is blinking at them from the phone.
Here’s a longer attempt…
SOUND: OLD STYLE PHONE SMASHING INTO WALL (BELL, PLASTIC CRUNCH ETC.).
TOM: I can’t believe that son-of-a-bitch had the gall to… damn. I think I busted it.
MARGIE: I’m not paying for that out of company funds, by the way. If you’re going to…
SOUND: BUSTED PHONE STARTS TO RING – CONTINUE UNDER
MARGIE: Well, damn. It’s still working.
SOUND: THREE RINGS HAPPEN – CONTINUE UNDER
MARGIE: You gonna answer that, Tom!
TOM: Hmpf!
MARGIE: (SIGHS) Alright.
SOUND: PHONE STOPS RINGING
MARGIE: Tom Shephard consulting, Margie speaking. (BEAT) Yes, inspector. (BEAT) Yes, I’m sorry, the phone must have cut out. (BEAT) Yes, Tom’s here. Just a moment. (ASIDE) Tom, it’s the inspector.
TOM: Tell him I’ve gone out.
MARGIE: He can hear you, you know.
TOM: Tell him I’m out, I said. I don’t care if it is Barry who’s dead. And I don’t care how weird it looks. I tried to warn him and he wouldn’t listen.
Note how each action and line raises more questions.
Why did Tom smash the phone?
What does Tome Shephard consulting do?
Why is the Inspector calling?
Who is Barry? And how did he die?
And why did Tom know it was going to happen before it did?
Here’s another attempt…
MARGIE: I’m telling you, someone’s following me.
TOM: (PLACATING) Margie…
MARGIE: Everywhere I go, I keep seeing him.
TOM: So it’s a man.
MARGIE: Yes, its a man. Why wouldn’t it be a man? Don’t you think a man would want to follow me?
TOM: I didn’t mean… Look, maybe he’s interested in you. You know? Romantically.
MARGIE: He’s always wearing a suit.
TOM: Um… so?
MARGIE: Suits are worn by foreclosing bankers and officials, politicians, and funeral directors. Suits are trouble.
Cliches
It can be hard to avoid cliches in openings. Take weather for example. Unless the weather and climate play a particularly important role in the story, it’s probably best to avoid using weather in a hook.
If however, the whole story hinges on being trapped in a snow storm, or on the effect of heat and humidity on a dead body, then starting with a reference to weather might be appropriate. But even then you want to grab attention and get the questions flowing.
MARGIE: I hate the snow. It keeps covering up the details.
TOM: What do you mean?
MARGIE: Well, you can hardly see his face anymore.
TOM: Isn’t that a good thing. It’ll hide his identity.
MARGIE: Not as well as a mallet and chisel might.
TOM: Come on. Finish covering him up. The guests will be here soon.
Cliches aren’t just related to the weather, either. Dead bodies, phones ringing in the early morning, strange packages in the mail. All these ideas have been done one thousand times before. If you’re going to use them (and you should if, and only if, they are important to your story) then make sure they are delivered in a unique way.
Let’s take the “early morning at the office” trope…
SOUND: DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES – LET IT FINISH.
MARGIE: Hey bright-eyes, what brings you into the office so early?
TOM: I found this in today’s paper.
MARGIE: What is it?
TOM: My obituary.
And on that note, I’ll bring this short article to an end.
We can all do better at creating openings for our plays. The key elements are to make sure our openings are attention-grabbing, introduce our protagonists and their problems clearly and early, put our protagonists into the thick of things quick, signal the tone, provide an attention-grabbing and interesting contrast or juxtaposition, avoids cliches, and raise questions that propel the listener forward into the story.
Copyright Philip Craig Robotham © 2020 .
