Another Twist of the Tale – Episode 1 – I hate you Frank!

Below we present the complete text of I hate you Frank; episode 1  of Another Twist of the Tale.

ANOTHER TWIST OF THE TALE

EPISODE #1 – I HATE YOU FRANK!

by Philip Craig Robotham

Cover Illustration by Miyukiko

Unedited Draft

Copyright 2013 Philip Craig Robotham

Creative Commons Attritubution Non Commercial No Derivatives (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0) Edition .

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Episode 1: I hate you Frank!

World weary Detective, Joe Wilson, finds his world turned upside down on discovering the ghost of his good for nothing brother-in-law, Frank, sitting in his car waiting to ask for his help in solving his own murder.

ANOTHER TWIST OF THE TALE

CAST LIST

NARRATOR: The Narrator

JOE: World weary hard-boiled detective

FRANK: Homicidal killer hiding in the woods (only one line).

KILLER: Our heroine and reporter

SFX ARTIST: Minimum one required

ACT 1

SCENE 1: INT – JOE’S CAR DRIVING ON ROAD (FRANK THE GHOST, JOE THE HARDBOILED DETECTIVE)

1. MUSIC: OPENING THEME – LET IT FINISH.
2. SOUND: (WALLA) CAR ENGINE IN BACKGROUND – ESTABLISH AND UNDER
3. NARRATOR: (SPOOKY VOICE) A Police Detective is called upon to deal with many strange occurrences in the line of duty. But for Joe Birkus, this evening’s work is strange by any stretch of the imagination… for beside him in his car sits the ghost of his deceased brother in law, Frank.
4. JOE: (RESIGNED AND WORLD WEARY) I hate you, Frank.
5. FRANK: But Joey, buddy. I’m your pal, your boon companion.
6. JOE: No. You were my sister’s husband. In all the time I knew you there wasn’t one single bad situation that you didn’t make worse just by showing up. Kerry loved you (God only knows why). She married you, and I put up with you for her sake, but now even that doesn’t matter.
7. FRANK: Is that a nice thing to say? We made vows.
8. JOE: Your vows to Kerry were until death do you part. You died. She’s well shot of you.
9. FRANK: I thought you said you didn’t believe in ghosts.
10. JOE: Yeah, well… that was until I found one sitting in my car. It’s kind of changed my perspective.
11. FRANK: Yeah, I can see how that might happen. Hey Joey, you might want to take a left up ahead.
12. JOE: Okay.
13. FRANK: So… How was the funeral? Lots of people, were there?
14. JOE: There were three.
15. FRANK: Three? What about all my pals?
16. JOE: Pals? You don’t have any pals. Just creditors and marks.
17. FRANK: Well that might be true but you probably shouldn’t say it. It’s not good to speak ill of the dead.
18. JOE: I hate you.
19. FRANK: Come on Joey, who was came to see me off?
20. JOE: I was there, Kerry was there, and some big guy in a suit. That’s all.
21. FRANK: Hat jammed down low? Face kind of squashed in… like he’d been hit in the puss with a steam train?
22. JOE: Yeah, that’s the one. Who was he?
23. FRANK: (SIGHS) Creditor.
24. JOE: Figures. He didn’t represent any bank though, did he?
25. FRANK: Nah. But at least he didn’t put the hard word on Kerry.
26. JOE: Yeah, just as well. (BEAT) So… how’d it happen?
27. FRANK: What?
28. JOE: Your death?
29. FRANK: I told you before. There are rules about these things. I can’t tell you who killed me, I can only show you.
30. JOE: Who makes these rules? You haven’t stopped talking since we got in the car. In your entire life I can’t remember a single time you kept a secret. It was like every thought that passed through your head had to come out your mouth.
31. FRANK: Again, it’s probably true but you really shouldn’t say it.
32. JOE: You’ve been blathering on about everything else, so, why can’t you tell me this?
33. FRANK: I ain’t allowed. I don’t know why. It’s just one of those cosmic laws you hear about… and I can’t break it… kind of like a union thing.
34. JOE: A union thing? (BEAT) Being dead hasn’t made you any smarter.
35. FRANK: Hey!
36. JOE: Come on, you said it wasn’t that far and I’m getting dangerously low on juice. Let’s just solve your murder so I can go home.
37. FRANK: That’s the spirit (metaphorically speaking). Stay on the highway for about another twenty minutes and then we’ll hit a turn.
38. JOE: Twenty minutes? We’ll be out of fuel before then.
39. FRANK: You’ll be fine until we make the turn and there’s a gas station on the corner. Trust me…
40. MUSIC: NEUTRAL SCENE TRANSITION – LET IT FINISH

SCENE 2 – EXT – IN FRONT OF GAS STATION
(JOE, FRANK)

41. SOUND: NIGHT NOISES – ESTABLISH AND UNDER
42. SOUND: CAR DOORS CLOSE – LET IT FINISH.
43. JOE: I hate you, Frank. (BEAT) “A gas station”, you said!
44. FRANK: Yeah, well, it is a gas station. See the sign. “Gas station”.
45. JOE: This gas station has been closed for twenty years. It’s the middle of the night and now, thanks to you, I’m in the middle of nowhere and I’ve run out of gas.
46. FRANK: Don’t be like that. It was an honest mistake. I remembered the station. I just remembered wrong about it being open is all.
47. JOE: And to think for a minute there I almost believed you might have a half-useful idea in that coconut of yours.
48. FRANK: What? You thought I might have some special mystical insight or something?
49. JOE: Yeah, something like that.
50. FRANK: If I didn’t understand much when I was alive, what makes you think I’d understand things any better now I’m dead?
51. JOE: More fool me.
52. FRANK: (BEAT)Hey, Joey?
53. JOE: Yeah.
54. FRANK: We gonna keep going or what?
55. JOE: Like I’ve got a choice.
56. FRANK: Thanks Joey, you’re a pal.
57. JOE: I’m a cop. It’s got nothing to do with you. I just want to get this killer so no-one else gets hurt.
58. FRANK: Yeah, Okay, whatever you say.
59. SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL – ESTABLISH AND UNDER
60. FRANK: Hey? Hey Joey?
61. JOE: What?
62. FRANK: I was just thinking.
63. JOE: Don’t strain yourself.
64. FRANK: No, seriously. I was just thinking, what would the boys downtown say if they could see you talking with a ghost?
65. JOE: That isn’t ever going to happen.
66. FRANK: Why not? After this is all over I could work for the police force, become like a psychic consultant. We could be partners.
67. JOE: You and I aren’t even friends. You think I’d want us to be partners? Besides, one word about this and I’d be on psychiatric leave without pay. And anyway, I thought this was all about laying your soul to rest. If everything goes right, you won’t even be around anymore.
68. FRANK: Yeah, sure. I kind of forgot for a minute. I bet you’ll miss me when I’m gone.
69. JOE: With every darned bullet.
70. FRANK: Don’t be like that. I died you know. Have some respect.
71. JOE: What was that like? Dying?
72. FRANK: It hurt. A lot.
73. JOE: Yeah, your body was found chopped into pieces.
74. FRANK: Yeah, I don’t even want to think about that.
75. JOE: Alright. What about afterwards? What’s on the other side?
76. FRANK: I don’t know. One minute I’m alive and screaming and the next I’m just screaming.
77. JOE: What? Being dead hurt?
78. FRANK: Nah. It’s just, for a few seconds there, I didn’t realise I was dead. I was looking at my killer and I could feel…
79. JOE: Yeah?
80. FRANK: …something. Judgment? Heaven? Hell? I don’t know. But something was waiting for me and I wasn’t ready to go. There was something I had to do.
81. JOE: You mean besides turning my night upside down? (TO SELF) I need to get my head examined.
82. FRANK: Yeah, I guess. But I didn’t know what it was at first. It took a while to come clear. You’ve got to avenge me Joey. Give me my chance to move on.
83. JOE: I’m here aren’t I? Where’re we headed? Into those woods?
84. FRANK: Yeah, in there.
85. JOE: Looks dark and I don’t have a flashlight.
86. FRANK: Don’t worry I’ll keep you safe.
87. JOE: Yeah… I hate you, Frank.
88. MUSIC: SCENE TRANSITION – LET IT FINISH

SCENE 3 – EXT – THE WOODS (JOE, FRANK, KILLER)

89. SOUND: NIGHT NOISES – ESTABLISH AND UNDER
90. JOE: Alright, you’ve brought me to the place you were killed. A clearing in the woods twenty miles out of town. In the middle of the night. What am I supposed to see?
91. FRANK: My killer of course.
92. JOE: What? Now you can talk about him? Alright, who is he and where?
93. FRANK: He’s that big guy… behind you… with the axe.
94. JOE: Oh, I hate you, Frank.
95. SOUND: AXE FALLING – LET IT FINISH
96. KILLER: (MANIACAL LAUGHTER) Mwhahahahaha
97. FRANK: (BEAT) Oops!
98. MUSIC: SCENE TRANSITION – LET IT FINISH

SCENE 4 – EXT – THE WOODS (FRANK, JOE)

99. SOUND: NIGHT NOISES – ESTABLISH AND UNDER
100. SOUND: MAGICAL CHIMES – FADE IN AND FINISH.
101. FRANK: Joey, buddy. You didn’t move on.
102. JOE: No, Frank. Looks like I didn’t.
103. FRANK: So, um, what’s keeping you? Couldn’t stand to leave your old buddy Frank behind?
104. JOE: Something like that. Turns out I’ve got some unfinished business.
105. FRANK: Yeah? Gotta catch that big guy too, huh? I told you we’d make good partners.
106. JOE: No Frank, it isn’t that.
107. FRANK: What? You don’t wanna be avenged for your death?
108. JOE: No, I’m here for vengeance alright, just not on him.
109. FRANK: Uh, Joey? I’m not sure I like that look in your eye. Joey? Joey?
110. JOE: I hate you, Frank.
111. NARRATOR: And so our tired Detective’s investigation comes to an end and a new chapter begins. Now Joe has all the time in the world to exact his… revenge. Mwahahahaha.
112. MUSIC: CLOSING THEME

CASTING SHEETS — MAJOR CHARACTERS

NARRATOR: Hello, I am your spooky voiced narrator. I introduce the cold stormy nights on which our stories take place, the dark alleys, and darker personalities who inhabit the lonely city. It is my job to set the scene and establish the serious tone of suspense and intrigue that will carry the story forwards. I do this with a creepy laugh and ghoulish enthusiasm for the misery that is about to be unleashed upon the characters.

JOE WILSON: I’m a detective in a city full of liars, cheats, killers, and con-men. You’d think that would have made me a cynic. And I guess it has a little. But underneath the hard-boiled exterior I actually give a damn. I do this job because I want to keep people safe from the animals and predators who roam the dark side of the city. I believe in people, or at least I want to believe in them. Unfortunately, life keeps proving me wrong.

FRANK: Hiya. I’m a good guy, beloved by all, and, yeah, my legitimate business opportunities have occasionally crossed over into the gray area that exists just beyond the line that keeps law-abiding citizens, well, law-abiding. But I’d never hurt a soul and no-one would want to hurt me… except that, yeah, I’m a ghost. And I did go and get myself murdered. But Joe will fix it for me. He’s a good egg, Joe.

KILLER: There’s a sack full of eels squirming where my brain should be. So I kill. You would too, if you was me!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Philip Craig Robotham grew up in a house full of books and has held numerous jobs as a teacher, computer programmer, graphic and web designer, e-learning consultant and, most recently, writer. He currently lives in Victoria, Australia with his wife and two sons. When he was younger and fitter he enjoyed martial arts, but in recent years his hobbies have tended towards more sedate fare (board games, movies, books, and role-playing games).

He is extremely grateful for the encouragement he receives from his biggest fans — his wife and two boys — all of whom read and enjoy his scripts and, in general, make his life worth living.

You can contact the author regarding performance rights (or simply to say hello) through his website: http://www.weirdworldstudios.com.

THE END

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This post and all its content is copyright © 2013 Philip Craig Robotham and has been released under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0) license. This play cannot be reproduced, shared, or performed commercially without the written permission of the author.  The production of derivative content, merchandise, or creative works and materials is expressly forbidden under this agreement. However you may share, reproduce, and perform this play freely so long as authorship is acknowledged, no money changes hands, and the play is not modified in any way.

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