The Island of Never – Episode 3 – Industrial Strength Poison


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Below we present the complete text of ‘Industrial Strength Poison’; episode 3 of The Island of Never.

Fantasy Noir - FN002 - The Island of Never

Fantasy Noir – FN002 – The Island of Never

Parental Guidance Recommended: May contain content some parents may feel is inappropriate for younger children

Parental Guidance Recommended: May contain content some parents may feel is inappropriate for younger children

THE ISLAND OF NEVER

EPISODE #3 – INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH POISON

by Philip Craig Robotham

Cover Illustration by Miyukiko

Edited by Margaret Wilkins

Copyright 2013 Philip Craig Robotham

Creative Commons Attritubution Non-Commercial No Derivatives (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0) Edition .

CC by-nc-nd 4.0

CC by-nc-nd 4.0

This play is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0) International license. This play may not be commercially reproduced, performed, or sold. Non-commercial production, performance, and reproduction is allowed under this license so long as attribution is maintained. No derivative content or use is allowed. It can be freely shared in its current form (without change) under this license. If you would like to purchase one or more copies of this work (for your own personal non-commercial use, or to help financially support the author) then please return to http://www.weirdworlstudios.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

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Serial #2: The Island of Never

Tony Wells’ life is changed forever when his vindictive Lieutenant assigns him a particularly difficult case. A mysterious series of kidnappings leads Tony and tenacious reporter Claire Templeton from the streets of Star City through a magical portal and into a pocket universe where they must defeat an evil fae noble or face being trapped forever. With the assistance of the exotic Threx they make their way into the heart of the kidnapper’s place of power for a final confrontation. Can they defeat him and retrieve the children… and if so, at what cost? Tune in to “The Island of Never” and experience the wonder and terror for yourself.

Episodes in the Host Your Own “Old Time Radio Drama” series are designed to provide a fun dinner party experience for 6–8 participants. Read along, taking on the role of one or more of the characters in the story, and listen as the exciting drama unfolds. This is the theater of the mind, where the special effects are only limited by your imagination, and your participation will build a memory that you’ll treasure for years to come.

THE ISLAND OF NEVER

CAST LIST

TONY WELLS: Police Detective

MAGIC SWORD (FRED): Snarky magic Sword

HARRY JONES: Street Kid

BILL CASEY: Police Constable and stooge

CLAIRE TEMPLETON: Crime Reporter for the Tribune

PAN: Fae ruler of the Island of Never

TINKER #1: Small Faery Henchman to Pan

THREX: Giant talking Spider

BOY#1: Kidnapped Boy

BOY#2: Kidnapped Boy

BOY#3: Kidnapped Boy

BOY#4: Kidnapped Boy

EBERON: Light Fae Noble and Covenant Protector

FINBARRA: Dark Fae Noble and Covenant Protector

SFX: SFX operator (1 required)

SCENE 13: INT. — ABOVE THE STOKING ROOM OF THE FURNACE WITHIN THE TOWER — A SHORT WHILE LATER (TONY, CLAIRE)

447. MUSIC: [1] OPENING THEME – LET IT FINISH.

448. NARRATOR: Tony Wells and Claire Templeton have tracked the creature known as Pan to an alternative universe in which it has imprisoned numerous kidnapped children.  Entering a large chamber full of industrial machinery deep within the Pan’s stronghold, Tony and Claire seek to rescue their young friend, Harry.

449. SOUND: [17] (WALLA) — MECHANICAL STEAM-ENGINE NOISE GROWS VERY LOUD — FADE IN.

450. TONY: I can hardly hear myself think in all this noise!

451. CLAIRE: Well, at least it covers our movements for the most part. These boys don’t seem to be able to see us at all.

452. TONY: Some kind of spell perhaps?

453. CLAIRE: You’re asking me?

454. TONY: Come on. I think I can see Harry on the other side of the stoking room. He’s shoveling coal with a group of three other boys.

455. CLAIRE: Okay. You try to talk to him while I keep a lookout for short, fae and nasty.

456. TONY: (AMUSED) How long have you been waiting to use that?

457. CLAIRE: A little while. You like?

458. TONY: Wherever you got it from… send it back!

459. CLAIRE: Just get on with it.

460. MUSIC: [3] (BRIDGE) TIME PASSING SCENE ENDER — LET IT FINISH.


SCENE 14: INT. — THE STOKING-ROOM FLOOR OF THE FURNACE WITHIN THE TOWER — A SHORT WHILE LATER (TONY, CLAIRE, HARRY, BOY#2, BOY#3, BOY#4, PAN)

461. TONY: [CUE] Psst. Harry. Over here. (BEAT)

Hey, Harry. Are you alright? Harry!

462. HARRY: Oh no! Don’t talk to me… it will set off the (BEAT)(CROWING LOUDLY LIKE A ROOSTER) Cock-a-doodle-doo. Cock-a-doodle-doo!

463. SOUND: [60] (WALLA) STOP STEAM-ENGINE NOISE WITH A LONG HISS OF STEAM — FADE OUT.

464. BOY #2: (OVERLAPPING SLIGHTLY) Cock-a-doodle-doo. Cock-a-doodle-doo!

465. BOY #3: (OVERLAPPING SLIGHTLY AGAIN) Cock-a-doodle-doo. Cock-a-doodle-doo!

466. BOY #4: (OVERLAPPING SLIGHTLY AGAIN) Cock-a-doodle-doo. Cock-a-doodle-doo!

467. TONY: For crimeny’s sake, be quiet. You’ll draw the attention of that…

468. PAN: That what, Protector of the Covenant? That illustrious and most noble Pan of the Island of Never? I hope that’s what you were going to say. (BEAT)

No, don’t move! If you so much as blink an eye I will be forced to slit the throat of this pretty young mortal girl that you’ve brought me.

469. CLAIRE: Sorry, Wells, I didn’t see him… URK.

470. PAN: That’s enough out of you. I didn’t give you permission to speak. (BEAT) Well, well, Wells. New guests to grace my humble abode. I’m not sure whether to be delighted by your capture or distraught that my Hell Hounds failed to stop you from making it this far.

471. TONY: Don’t congratulate yourself too early… Pan, was it? You don’t have me quite yet!

472. PAN: Really, I guess you didn’t notice one of my Tinkers sneaking up on you and putting that knife to your throat. Honestly, you humans are amazingly short on perception.

No, the only thing left to do now is decide how to dispose of you? Do I feed you to my Hell Hounds or to my crocodile? Or perhaps something else entirely? Well, in the mean time I think it best that you be…

473. SOUND: [22] MUFFLED THUMP — LET IT FINISH.

474. TONY: (GRUNTS) Ugh!

475. PAN: (ECHOING FROM A DISTANCE) …put to sleep.

476. MUSIC: [6] (BRIDGE) OMINOUS SCENE ENDER — LET IT FINISH.

ACT 3


SCENE 15: INT. — PAN’S MUSEUM — AN UNKNOWN TIME LATER. (TONY, PAN, TINKER #1, SWORD, CLAIRE, FINBARRA, EBERON)

477. TONY: [CUE] (NARRATING) The lights had gone out very suddenly — those ugly little Tinkers could pack quite a wallop — and fighting my way back to consciousness was one of the less pleasant experiences I’ve ever had. As my vision began to clear I could see, despite my head pounding like a trip-hammer, a vast treasure room or museum. There were bronze statues all around me and nearby sat Claire, tied up in a pose like a Grecian statue, the effect spoiled only by the way her head lay unconscious upon her chest. I was suddenly aware that I had been tied in some form of idiotic Grecian pose as well. From nearby my ears were being assaulted by the sound of a raving immortal sociopath in full voice.

478. PAN: (FRUSTRATED) Why can’t I pick it up! You can pick it up! Why can’t I?

479. TINKER#1: I don’t know, master. The sword did not seem very heavy. We were able to transport it here easily.

480. SOUND: [43] MEATY SLAP AS TINKER IS SLAPPED FROM THE AIR — LET IT FINISH.

481. TINKER#1: Ow. But master, we don’t know!

482. PAN: I am surrounded by idiots and fools. I try to pick it up and it burns me. Why? If you can’t aid me then get out of my sight.

483. TINKER#1: Yes, master. We obey. We obey.

484. SOUND: [44] WHOOSHING NOISE AS THE TINKERS DEPART — LET IT FINISH.

485. PAN: Well, here we are again. As alone as we can be. Tell me, little sword, what is your secret?

486. SWORD: Are you really such a fool?

487. PAN: It speaks!

488. SWORD: Of course I speak. I am a covenant sword! And I know who you are as well. You were not always as you are now. Once you were the Pan, a protector of orphans and ally to humanity. What has happened to you?

489. PAN: Bwahahaha. A protector of orphans? Me? Well, well. Is that what they say? No. I’ve never been a protector of orphans. I’ve always been what I am. I just have a really good press agent. Bwahahaha.

490. SWORD: You’re quite insane, aren’t you? Your proximity to the human technology has done it, I think.

491. PAN: Don’t try to diagnose me, you useless hunk of metal. Why can’t I pick you up?

492. SWORD: Because, unlike your Tinkers, you wish to wield me… and none may wield me except my master.

493. PAN: Aaah. I see. But what happens when your master is gone? At that point you can be claimed by another — is that not true?

494. SWORD: … (NO ANSWER)

495. PAN: Oh, has the cat got your… well, whatever passes for a tongue in a talking sword? I’m right, aren’t I? Yes, I am? Well, I intend to kill the humans very soon. See the pipes above their heads. When I throw that switch over there those pipes will pump molten bronze in here and turn your friends into statues to add to my collection.

496. TONY: (GROANS) Ugh!

497. PAN: Ah, you’re awake! Excellent news. The most pleasing statues are those with the most aware expressions on their faces. You know, expressions of pain and agony? Bwahahaha.

498. TONY: You really are insane, aren’t you?

499. PAN: It’s a fine line between insanity and genius, you know? An easy enough mistake to make.

500. TONY: What, and you’d have us believe you are a genius?

501. PAN: (SCORNFUL) You humans! Petty, warlike, barbaric! Yet with such power, if only you had someone to direct you properly. What could not be accomplished?

502. TONY: Is that your game? World domination? You want to rule the mortal realm?

503. PAN: Don’t look so incredulous! You humans are the key. That’s why the covenant was created in the first place. The realms of the fae realized that your inventiveness, if harnessed properly, could accomplish the destruction of all our worlds… or their enslavement.

504. TONY: What? Today, the mortal realm, tomorrow the realms of Faery?

505. PAN: Ah, I see you have it! Yes, exactly. My machines are a hybrid of magic and human technology. They are transmitting dark magic back into your home city and the histories of the boys I have taken are being erased.

506. TONY: Meaning what?

507. PAN: (DISAPPOINTED) Oh. And I thought you understood. I am affecting the minds within your city. Making them think and believe what I choose. Think of it as a trial run. With more slaves and larger machines I shall be able to establish a foothold on your world and from there spread my influence until all do my bidding. Then I can begin building in earnest. Machines capable of countering even the high fae. I will become King of the three realms!

508. TONY: … or check into a sanatorium. Whichever comes first.

509. PAN: Insect! You think you can mock me? I have lived far longer than you can comprehend, and I will still be here, long after you are gone.

510. TONY: (TO NOBODY IN PARTICULAR) You know? If a certain magical sword was waiting for an opportunity to do something… I don’t know… magical… this would probably be the moment.

511. SWORD: Give me a name.

512. TONY: What?

513. SWORD: Give me a name!

514. TONY: Okay… um… Fred!

515. SWORD: (INCREDULOUS) Fred? I’m a covenant sword, the most powerful in existence, and you are naming me Fred?

516. TONY: It was all I could think of at short notice.

517. SWORD: But Fred?

518. TONY: A little short on time here.

519. PAN: Oh, no you don’t. I’m pulling the lever.

520. SOUND: [45] LEVER BEING PULLED FOLLOWED BY A RUMBLING, CLANKING, PUMPING SOUND — ESTABLISH AND UNDER.

521. PAN: Alright, sword, whatever you have in mind is not going to work. The humans will be dead momentarily.

522. SWORD: (TO TONY) Tony, call me to you. Call me by name.

523. TONY: Alright. Fred, to me!

524. SOUND: [46] WHOOSH OF SWORD FLYING THROUGH THE AIR AND CUTTING THE ROPES — LET IT FINISH.

525. SWORD: There! The ropes are cut. Now use me to free Claire.

526. PAN: No. No. No. No. No! This is not how things were meant to go at all!

527. SOUND: [46] WHOOSH OF SWORD CUTTING CLAIRE’S ROPES — LET IT FINISH.

528. TONY: (GRUNT) Okay, that’s Claire’s ropes. (BEAT) Come on, Claire, wake up. There’s a lunatic I have to go fight.

529. CLAIRE: Hmmm. What? Where are we?

530. SOUND: [47] POURING MOLTEN METAL COMING THROUGH THE PIPES. STEAM HISS AFTERWARDS — LET IT FINISH.

531. TONY: Just in time!

532. PAN: A near miss, but you don’t honestly think you can win (BEAT) against ME!!??

533. TONY: Perhaps not. But I’m pretty sure I can keep you busy for a bit while Claire goes and shuts down your machines.

534. CLAIRE: What? Right! I’m on it.

535. SOUND: [48] RUNNING FEET (FEMALE) — ESTABLISH AND FADE UNDER AND OUT.

536. PAN: Nooo! I am going to kill you. You’re not the only one with a magical sword you know?

537. TONY: Yeah? Let’s see it.

538. SOUND: [49] SWORD BEING DRAWN — LET IT FINISH.

539. PAN: Have at you!

540. SOUND: [18] (WALLA) CLASHING SWORDS — CONTINUE UNTIL TWO MAGICAL CHIMES AT 560.

541. SWORD: I should warn you.

542. TONY: (GRUNTING) What now?

543. SWORD: The Pan can fly.

544. TONY: What??

545. SOUND: [50] WHOOSH AS PAN STRIKES FROM ABOVE — LET IT FINISH.

546. PAN: What did I tell you? I’m too good. You can’t beat me.

547. TONY: (GRUNTING) Think so? That doesn’t seem so much. Flapping about like a wounded gull.

548. PAN: Flapping about like a wounded…? Why you… (GRUNTS).

549. TONY: Seriously? A child could have turned that one away. I thought you were supposed to be the Great and Glorious Pan. More like the slow and uncoordinated.

550. PAN: (SHRIEKING) Why you impudent… (GRUNT).

551. SWORD: What are you doing? You’re making him angry!

552. TONY: (TO THE SWORD) And (GRUNT) it’s making him (GRUNT) sloppy.

553. PAN: Sloppy? Sloppy? I’ll show you sloppy… (GRUNTS)

554. TONY: (TO PAN) You’ve been too near your machines for too long (GRUNT). You’re getting weak (GRUNT) and your attempts at rejuvenation aren’t working as effectively as they used to. (GRUNT). You’re poisoning yourself.

555. PAN: Rubbish. (GRUNT) I grow stronger and stronger!

556. SOUND: [51] POWERING DOWN SOUND AS LIGHTS DIM AND PAN’S MACHINES TURN OFF — LET IT FINISH.

557. TONY: Ah. I think Claire found the off switch. (GRUNT)

558. PAN: What matters that? I will merely kill you, then her, and turn them back on! You have accomplished nothing.

559. TONY: Is that so? (BEAT) Your field of magical interference is down now. Fred, make the call.

560. SOUND: [52] TWO MAGICAL CHIMES IN SUCCESSION — LET IT FINISH.

561. TONY: Finbarra! Eberon! That was faster than I expected.

562. EBERON: You called and we came.

563. FINBARRA: What business drags me from my entertainments, mortal.

564. PAN: No, not all three of you?

565. EBERON: My Lord Pan, we have been summoned under the stipulations of the covenant. What say you in your defense?

566. FINBARRA: Speak quickly!

567. PAN: I need not explain myself to such as you, the by-blow of the so-called Kings of Faery.

568. FINBARRA: You do not accept our authority? Then you admit you are a traitor.

569. PAN: I am no traitor. I should be King, ruler of all the realms. I am powerful. More powerful than you know. I will…

570. SWORD: Throw me now!

571. PAN: …crush you and the fae councils beneath my feet. Not even the combined might of the three realms can stop me. I will urghhhh!

572. EBERON: (INCREDULOUS) Mortal, you have cast your sword into him.

573. TONY: I have. (BEAT) Anything to stop that racket.

574. SOUND: [53] RUNNING FEET (FEMALE) APPROACH AND STOP — LET IT FINISH.

575. CLAIRE: Wells, are you alright? Is it over?

576. EBERON: (SURPRISED) Another mortal? And one we have met before. You haven’t taken an apprentice, have you?

577. TONY: What? Not on your life!

578. FINBARRA: Don’t be so quick to scoff. There is something about this one… something…

579. CLAIRE: (CUTTING FINBARRA SHORT) I’ve shut down the machines… and the children are coming back to themselves. We can’t leave them alone for long. We need to take them back to the city.

580. TONY: Sounds good, but I’m guessing that there are some formalities that have to be dealt with regarding the Pan first.

581. CLAIRE: (NARRATING) And so there were. The tough guy explained how we came to be there, the purpose of the “illegal machines” and the Pan’s plot to take over the realms — or at least as much of it as we had learned. All the while Finbarra kept staring at me with a speculative eye.

(BEAT) It’s not that I’m shy. I enjoy turning heads when the occasion calls for it. But the look Finbarra was giving me was anything but admiring… perhaps calculating is a better word.

In the end, as a vassal of the realm of light, the wounded Pan was handed over to Eberon for sentencing. What this would mean I couldn’t guess (BEAT) — and Wells didn’t ask.

With the formalities out of the way Wells went and collected the boys.

582. MUSIC: [4] (BRIDGE) NEUTRAL SCENE ENDER — LET IT FINISH.


SCENE 16: INT. — PAN’S MAIN HALL — LATER (TONY, CLAIRE, SWORD)

583. TONY: [CUE] Alright, is anyone missing? No. Good. Form a line. In a minute I’m going to create a circle on the floor. When I give the word I want you all to walk forward into the circle.

(TO THE SWORD) Fred, is there any way to return them to their families directly?

584. SWORD: We can do that. The spell that the Pan was using to rewrite the memories of the boys’ families and friends etc. has been reversed. No one will even know they were gone… except you and Miss Templeton, of course.

585. TONY: Great! Alright, kids. One at a time.

586. SOUND: [54] CHIMES, ONE AFTER ANOTHER IN AN UNEVEN RHYTHM AS THE BOYS GO THROUGH — LET IT FINISH.

587. TONY: That just leaves us, Claire. You ready?

588. CLAIRE: Ready as I’ll ever be. But if everyone’s memory is being readjusted, does that mean there’s no longer a story to print regarding their rescue.

589. SWORD: That’s about the sum of it.

590. CLAIRE: Aw damn. My editor’s gonna want my hide… and even Tully’s gonna have forgotten what this was about.

591. SWORD: ’fraid so.

592. TONY: Come on, let’s go home.

593. SOUND: [35] MAGICAL CHIME AS TONY AND CLAIRE RETURN TO THE CITY — LET IT FINISH.

594. MUSIC: [4] (BRIDGE) NEUTRAL SCENE ENDER — LET IT FINISH.


SCENE 17: EXT. — THE RUINED STREETS OF STAR CITY — DUSK (TONY, CLAIRE, CASEY)

595. SOUND: [19] (WALLA) SIRENS, PEOPLE YELLING, CALLS FOR HELP ETC. — ESTABLISH AND UNDER.

596. TONY: What the hell? What’s going on here?

597. CLAIRE: It looks like half the city has collapsed. There are fallen buildings everywhere.

598. TONY: I don’t understand… over there, I think I see a police officer. Hey! Hey you!

599. CASEY: Wells? Is that you?

600. TONY: Casey? Yeah, it’s me? What’s going on?

601. CASEY: Where the hell have you been? The Technomaster launched an attack on the city and Commissioner Doogan called in every able-bodied man. We’ve had people falling into comas, corpses walking around in broad daylight, and even rampaging dinosaur skeletons, for crying out loud.

602. TONY: Hey, take it easy. Just tell me what’s going on?

603. CASEY: Most of the North East of the city has collapsed. We’re gonna be digging people out for days. You need to get to the precinct and see the Lieutenant. Now!

604. TONY: Right! On my way. (BEAT) Claire? You gonna be alright?

605. CLAIRE: Yeah. I need to see my editor. This is the biggest story of the year and it looks like I missed it.

606. TONY: (DISBELIEVING) Story! Are you kidding me? Can’t you see what’s happened here?

607. CLAIRE: What? Yeah, sorry. I guess I’m in shock.

608. TONY: (BEAT) You sure you’ll be all right?

609. CLAIRE: Yeah, tough guy! Get a move on. I’ll be fine.

610. TONY: Okay.

611. MUSIC: [6] (BRIDGE) OMINOUS SCENE ENDER — LET IT FINISH.


SCENE 18: INT. — OFFICE OF THE TONY WELLS DETECTIVE AGENCY — A WEEK LATER (TONY, CLAIRE, SWORD)

612. SOUND: [55] DOOR OPENS, JINGLE OF BELL — LET IT FINISH.

613. CLAIRE: Miss me, tough guy?

614. TONY: With every bullet, so far.

615. CLAIRE: Nice. (BEAT) You seem to be settling in. The boxes are all unpacked at least.

616. TONY: Yeah. Quite the cozy little office.

617. CLAIRE: I like the sign on the door. Tony Wells — Private Detective. It’s got a nice ring to it.

618. TONY: Ahuh.

619. CLAIRE: Come on, Tony. It’s not that bad.

620. TONY: (ANGRY) Not that…? I was fired, Claire, a dishonorable discharge. I lost my job, my reputation, my pension fund… Hell, I even stand to lose my apartment… and all because I did what I was told and tried to rescue those kids.

621. CLAIRE: And you did! That’s gotta count for something.

622. TONY: But no one even remembers they were gone, not even the kids themselves.

623. SWORD: (MUFFLED) Mmmfpff. Mmmfpff.

624. CLAIRE: What was that?

625. TONY: That’s Fred.

626. CLAIRE: What?

627. TONY: He kept trying to tell me “it’s not so bad” too… and I muffled him in a coat

628. CLAIRE: Well, unlike Fred I come bearing a peace offering.

629. TONY: Oh yeah?

630. CLAIRE: Some rye whiskey and an order of Jimmy Changs. Whattaya say?

631. TONY: Sister, given the week I’ve had since we got back… that sounds like heaven.

632. SOUND: [56] WHISKY POURING INTO PAPER CUPS — LET IT FINISH.

633. CLAIRE: What’ll we drink to?

634. TONY: That’s easy. Success to crime!

(NARRATING) And so we sat, drinking whiskey from paper cups and chowing down on some of Jimmy Chang’s amazing Chinese food in the brand new office of Tony Wells — Private Eye.

As I looked Claire over I realized there was something about her that I still didn’t get. She hadn’t been affected by Pan’s spell, even when we had stepped right inside its zone of influence. I’d been protected by the sword, but Claire didn’t have any such protection. It made my head hurt to think about it too much… and I had other things on my mind.

My new job wasn’t exactly one I would have chosen for myself but still, I wasn’t quite ready to become some rent-a-cop night watchman either. In the end I figured, why not? I’d let myself indulge in a bit of optimism for a change. I had, with Claire’s help, gotten the kidnapped boys back. It was possible things mightn’t be as bleak as they seemed. But then again, how many of the million stories in the big city ever have a happy ending?

635. MUSIC: [2] CLOSING THEME AND CREDITS — LET IT FINISH.

CASTING SHEETS — MAJOR CHARACTERS

NARRATOR: Hello, I am your narrator. I introduce the cold stormy nights on which our stories take place, the dark alleys, and darker personalities who inhabit the lonely city. It is my job to set the scene and establish the serious tone of suspense and intrigue that will carry the story forwards. It is also my job to remind listeners of what came before in a calm, trustworthy voice and ensure that everyone is oriented to where we are and where we are going.

TONY WELLS: I’m a detective in a city full of liars, cheats, killers, and con-men. You’d think that would have made me a cynic. And I guess it has a little. But underneath the hard-boiled exterior I actually give a damn. I do this job because I want to keep people safe from the animals and predators who roam the dark side of the city. I believe in heroes, or at least I want to believe in them. Right now I’m not the most popular detective on the force — the Commissioner and the Lieutenant have both got it in for me — but I never would have guessed how much more complicated my life is about to become.

CLAIRE TEMPLETON: I’m the crime reporter for the Star City Tribune. I know everyone in this town from the mayor down to the guys who pick up your garbage at four in the morning. I’m good at my job too, which is why I get myself into so many scrapes and tight corners. I’m fearless, determined, and always get my story — even when there’s no one with the courage to print it!

MAGIC SWORD (FRED): I’m a magical sword and I inherit my personality from the world around me. I’m a wise-talking smart alec who’s always laughing at the expense of my owner. Possibly because I can’t be destroyed — magical, remember — I see myself as superior to ordinary mortals. Nothing bothers me particularly and I love giving advice. I will probably be advising my new master on the proper etiquette for being swallowed by a dragon while he is being munched upon.

PAN: I’m insane. Not just a little nuts, mind you: massively, psychotically, monumentally insane. I want applause. I want recognition. I want to pull the wings off flies and laugh as I do it. But most of all, I want to rule the world and watch you worship me adoringly while I peel the skin from your bones.

HARRY JONES: I know I’ve told stories in the past. It’s not like I meant to trick anyone. I really did think aliens were invading. Honest! But now my friends are going missing and no one will believe me. I’ve got to convince Tony somehow. He’s the only one who can help find them and bring them back home.

CASTING SHEETS — MINOR CHARACTERS

BILL CASEY: I’m Casey, that’s what everyone calls me. They all think I’m stupid, but I know which side my bread is buttered on. The Commissioner and I are friends, yes we are. I tell him what’s going on with Wells and he promises I’ll get my pick of postings around the precinct. Not bad for a junior guy, no sir!

TINKER #1: I have a high pitched voice, almost as high as my spirits. I like to torment things. I like to throttle things. I like to break things. One of the human younglings I throttled said I sounded just like Gollum (whoever that is). He didn’t say much more after I finished squeezing though. Would you like to play?

BOYS#1-4: We are caught in a spell. We can barely remember our own names. If we are disturbed we crow like a rooster in order to alert the Pan. Please! Help us! The Pan will kill us just for entertainment, but he also uses us to make himself younger. He steals our lives away.

EBERON: I am Eberon, Protector of the Covenant, and son to Oberon, high king and lord of all the light realms of the fae. Perhaps you have heard of me. Even in the mortal realm my father’s name is still known — if only because of that English bard. My fate is bound to the protection of the covenant between the dark, light, and mortal realms. For thousands of years the covenant has kept the animosity between our various peoples in check. A new and inexperienced mortal protector has now taken up the mantle as well. What this means for us all is hard to say.

FINBARRA: I am Finbarra, Protector of the Covenant, and son to Finyarra, high king and lord of all the dark realms of the fae. I care not whether you have heard of me any more than I care what a mortal’s opinion is on any matter at all. Like Eberon, my fate is bound to the protection of the covenant between the dark, light, and mortal realms. Unlike Eberon, I chafe under the restrictions that this places upon me. For thousands of years the covenant has kept the animosity between our various peoples in check, and now a new and inexperienced mortal protector has taken up the mantle. The moment is rife with opportunity but for now, I will wait and watch.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Philip Craig Robotham grew up in a house full of books and has held numerous jobs as a teacher, computer programmer, graphic and web designer, e-learning consultant and, most recently, writer. He currently lives in Sydney, Australia with his wife and two sons. When he was younger and fitter he enjoyed martial arts, but in recent years his hobbies have tended towards more sedate fare (board games, movies, books, and role-playing games).

He is extremely grateful for the encouragement he receives from his biggest fans — his wife and two boys — all of whom read and enjoy his scripts and in general make his life worth living.

You can contact the author regarding performance rights (or simply to say hello) through his website: http://www.weirdworldstudios.com.

Don’t forget to check out the free sample portions of our titles at http://weirdworldstudios.com/product-category/our-products/ .

This post and all its content is copyright © 2013 Philip Craig Robotham and has been released under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0) license. This play cannot be reproduced, shared, or performed commercially without the written permission of the author. The production of derivative content, merchandise, or creative works and materials is expressly forbidden under this agreement. However you may share, reproduce, and perform this play freely so long as authorship is acknowledged, no money changes hands, and the play is not modified in any way.

The Island of Never