The Script Hiatus at weirdworldstudios is being interrupted this month because my 10 year old son (Jack Robotham) has written his first Audio drama script (and I’m extremely proud). Here it is folks, in all its comic glory…
CINDERELLA IN THE STUDIO – by Jack Robotham
SCENE 1: INT – RADIO STUDIO
- MUSIC: OPENING THEME – LET IT FINISH.
- JEFF: Welcome to the studio this afternoon. And here we are to record the story of Cinderella. I’m Jeff Grayson and I’m here with my faithful sound effects assistant Bruce Simple. So, everything’s in place. Welcome to Cinderella.
- SOUND: FLAMES – UNTIL LINE 8.
- JEFF: Why are there flames?
- BRUCE: Cinderella is on fire.
- JEFF: No she’s not.
- SOUND: FLAMES STOP.
- BRUCE: Isn’t Cinderella a “he”?
- JEFF: Cinderella not Cinder-fella!
- BRUCE: Oh, ok.
- JEFF: As I was saying, Cinderella lived with her aunt and three sisters. They all hated her. Her sisters and aunt were very mean to her. She had to do all the housework.
- BRUCE: What? The house can’t do its own work?
- JEFF: No it can’t. It’s a house!
- BRUCE: Then why is it called house work?
- JEFF: That’s just what it’s called. Now, there was a ball coming up…
- SOUND: CHEERING – ESTABLISH, UNDER AND OUT
- BRUCE: (INTERRUPTING) and it’s flying through the air. The goalie does a terrific save and the score is even!
- JEFF: Oh for goodness’ sake!
- BRUCE: What’s wrong? Don’t you like soccer?
- JEFF: No, this kind of ball involves music!
- SOUND: FUNERAL MUSIC – ESTABLISH, UNDER AND OUT
- JEFF: No, no, no. Stop the music! A ball is a kind of party with music can people dance to.
- SOUND: SCRATCHED RECORD ENDING SOUND (MUSIC STOPS) – LET IT FINISH.
- JEFF: The Prince is going to be at the ball, so the sisters and aunt want Cinderella to make them look nice and neat.
- BRUCE: How could they be nice? They sound very un-nice to me…
- JEFF: (INTERRUPTING) As in, they want to look polished.
- BRUCE: I didn’t know they were shoes.
- JEFF: Polished means good looking.
- BRUCE: That’s how I always want my shoes to look.
- JEFF: No, the women want to be good looking.
- BRUCE: (IN A DOCTOR’S VOICE) We’ll be cancelling the optometrist’s appointment then?
- JEFF: Stop messing around!
After a while the sister’s left, but Cinderella was forced to stay behind. Suddenly, the Fairy God Mother appeared. She said “Cinderella, you shall go to the ball”.
- SOUND: CHEERING – ESTABLISH, UNDER, AND OUT.
- BRUCE: (LIKE A SPORTS COMMENTATOR) And she runs for it, and arrives just in the nick of time! She kicks and… Goal!
- JEFF: No, no, no! You remember what a ball is, don’t you?
- BRUCE: Shoe polish?
- JEFF: A party with music!
- SOUND: FUNERAL MUSIC – ESTABLISH, UNDER, AND OUT.
- JEFF: Stop! How many times do I have to tell you this. A ball is a party with music people can dance to!
- JEFF: The Fairy God Mother also said “I will get you there with my magic”. With that, she turned and pointed her finger at a pumpkin. It turned into a coach.
- BRUCE: Which way did it turn? Left or right?
- JEFF: Not that sort of turn. It “transformed” into a coach.
- BRUCE: I knew she was a soccer player. What team is she on?
- JEFF: (INTERRUPTING) Aargh! Not that kind of coach; one pulled by horses.
- BRUCE: Ow, that’s gotta hurt.
- JEFF: The pumpkin became a horse drawn carriage.
- BRUCE: It wasn’t real? A horse drew it?
- JEFF: You better duck or I will hit you with this microphone.
- SOUND: QUACK – LET IT FINISH.
- JEFF: Oh, stop it.
Ok, next the Fairy God Mother turned some mice into men, and after that she turned Cinderella’s clothes into a beautiful dress and glass slippers.
- BRUCE: Yikes! Who’d wear those? You’d keep falling over.
- JEFF: Not that kind of slipper! But the Fairy God Mother…
- BRUCE: (INTERRUPTING) I’m glad she’s fair.
- JEFF: (IGNORING THE INTERRUPTION)…the Fairy God Mother warned “This magic wears off at midnight”. Then she disappeared. Soon Cinderella was at the ball.
- SOUND: BEEP OF CAR HORN – LET IT FINISH.
- JEFF: I already told you she arrived in a carriage! Can’t you get anything right?
- SOUND: TRAIN STOPPING – LET IT FINISH.
- JEFF: (FRUSTRATED) A horse pulling a carriage.
- BRUCE: Lucky horse. Pulling something so light and healthy.
- JEFF: A “carriage”, not a “cabbage”! (BEAT) After Cinderella arrived she went inside.
- BRUCE: Which side?
- JEFF: It means in the building.
- BRUCE: If they were building it, how could she get in?
- JEFF: I’ll cement your jaw shut if you don’t stop!
- BRUCE: Give them the cement. I’m not the one building the house while a party’s going on.
- JEFF: They are not building a house.
When Cinderella went in, the Prince saw her and fell in love with her.
- SOUND: CRASH – LET IT FINISH.
- JEFF: What was that?
- BRUCE: The Prince falling in love. Was he also wearing slippers?
- JEFF: “Falling in love” is an expression. Cinderella danced with the prince. She completely forgot about the Fairy God Mother until the clock struck twelve.
- BRUCE: Did twelve break?
- JEFF: It’s another expression. Stop mucking things up!
Cinderella ran away and one of her slippers came off. Her coach became a pumpkin and her men became mice.
- BRUCE: Her coach is a pumpkin and she runs away from the ball? I don’t want her on my soccer team.
- JEFF: Stop, okay? I need to finish the story!
- BRUCE: I’m Australian, not Finnish. Of course, if you’re from Finland…
- JEFF: I said “stop” twice. Don’t make me say it again!
The Prince picked up the slipper and said…
- BRUCE: “this slipper’s actually made of diamond and worth a million dollars! I’m rich! Mwahahaha!”
- JEFF: No, the Prince said “I will find the owner of this slipper and she shall be my wife!”
- BRUCE: Who was listening?
- JEFF: No-one was listening, he just said that!
So the Prince went and looked in every house. When he got to Cinderella’s house, the sisters and aunt tried the slipper but it didn’t fit. When Cinderella tried, it fit perfectly! The Prince took her and they married and lived happily ever after.
- SOUND: WEDDING BELLS – LET IT FINISH.
- JEFF: Did you learn anything?
- BRUCE: Yes! If you’re a Prince you will have to marry a sooty, dirty girl.
- JEFF: I can’t take this anymore!!! It’s time to give you a little of your own medicine.
- SOUND: CRASH – LET IT FINISH.
- BRUCE: Hey stop!
- SOUND: MACHINE GUNS – UNDER.
- BRUCE: (SCREAMS) Aaaah.
- SOUND: BOMBS EXPLODING, SMASHING SOUNDS, ROCKETS, TANK RUMBLE – ESTABLISH AND FINISH.
- JEFF: (PANTING) And that… dear listeners… is the end of our story.
- MUSIC: CLOSING THEME – LET IT FINISH.
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